How to survive Valentine’s Day when you’re heartbroken

A few months ago I went to lunch with a friend and was devastated.

I ordered a club sandwich and found her staring at me with strained eyes. “So I have some news,” she said hesitantly.There was a painful pause in suspense.

“Oh my god,” I said. I thought my heart was beating so fast that it would jump out of my chest cavity. She got her head ready to tell me the news, tell me, for the love of God, I thought to myself.

“It’s about Tom,” she said.

“Okay,” I said hastily. This was the man I had been seeing off and on for the past 9 months. A friend with benefits that I happened to like. I didn’t admit it at the time.

“He has a girlfriend?” I guessed to get out of my own misery.

“Yes and?!”

There were more. “They are having babies,” she said. Suddenly the restaurant became unbearably noisy. A wave of heat passed through my body, a strange rash appeared on my chest, and the sandwich arrived.

It was three days before Valentine’s Day and I needed some quiet time. “Valentine’s Day can be absolutely messed up,” I told my friend Michelle the next day, running on the treadmill and crying at the same time. A feat of human nature, you might say.

I wanted to round up all the silk roses, all the cheesy cards, all the pesky giant teddy bears and throw them into the giant bonfire. Each of them reminds me of the pain of rejection I was feeling. I wanted to pretend Valentine’s Day didn’t exist, but I didn’t know how.

there is a scene in Diary of Bridget Jones There she finds out that Daniel Cleaver has a secret fiancée the entire time they’ve been together, and has to go to work and act like nothing happened. I stare, with tears in my eyes. At her job in her theatrical press, she spent a week smugly wiping the tears that were streaming from her eyes.

On Valentine’s Day, a friend at work left a card on my desk. It was a gentle gesture that made me feel loved. But later on Instagram, I saw a Valentine’s Day card that Tom gave his girlfriend. There was an illustration of green olives next to “Olive You”. Hmm, they’re in the pun phase of their romance. It was the longest February 14th I have ever lived.

“Being in a relationship is not a sign of success. Many people who are in a relationship are unhappy. Be proud to be single.”

In the years that followed, that cursed day passed. For years, I was nursing a broken heart from another terrible dating experience. The truth is, if you’re not in a state of loved bliss, Valentine’s Day is a different day – just another day in February.

I refuse to spend another Valentine’s Day crying over a terrible olive pun. If you’re nursing a piece of heartbreak and listening to 1975’s “Somebody Else” on repeat, don’t worry about its impending arrival on February 14th. Here are some tried and tested techniques for placing

celebrate other kinds of love

Psychologist Tony Ortega, Ph.D., suggests reframing the day “from a day of romantic love to a day that celebrates love of all kinds, like it was in childhood.”

“If you want to celebrate love but don’t have romantic love, get your friends together and celebrate friendship by doing something out of the ordinary,” says Ortega. “This takes the form of a scavenger hunt.” Or it could take the form of an establishment that serves both alcohol but offers entertainment such as games and drag shows.” , can catch up for a long time.

banish all negative thoughts

Silva Neves, a psychosexual and relationship therapist, recommends banning the negative thoughts you have about yourself. “Being in a relationship is not a sign of success. Many people who are in a relationship are unhappy. Be proud to be single,” says Neves.

“Every time you have a negative thought about yourself, take a deep breath in and out and say something that nurtures yourself instead. You’ll notice.” If you feel like it, make a list of all the things you like.

ignore the hype

Valentine’s Day is literally any other day. So why not treat it as such? It just so happens to be a Friday this year, so stick to your usual Friday routine, like having a drink with friends at the pub or watching a binge. grace and frankie On the sofa with takeout. Avoid anything that reminds you of the date. Stay away from social media and turn your calendar around to face the wall.

“It may sound obvious, but the more you participate in Valentine’s Day, the more impact it has,” says eharmony relationship expert Rachael Lloyd. “Skip the love story, avoid your local Pizza Express, and refrain from social media for the day to limit your exposure.”

addicted to puzzles

When it’s almost impossible to ignore the fact that it’s the most cursed day on the calendar, step up your distraction techniques. Because “it takes enough focus to keep you from getting too caught up in your head, but not so much that you can’t complete the task,” she says. Buy yourself a big bag of Doritos, a bottle of rosé, and her 1,000-piece puzzle and you’ll not only be entertained, but distracted for hours.Or all your single friends. You can even invite your friends over to your house for a game night.

have “me time”

Dating and relationship coach Sami Wonder says that if you’re single, Valentine’s Day is a great day to celebrate yourself. Decide it will be a day of self-love,” says Wunder. You can also go out to dinner.”

If Valentine’s Day is uncomfortable for you, says Neves, “Give yourself permission to pamper yourself with whatever floats on your boat.” Watch a movie and drink wine?” says Neves.

day of business

If you have time off, one thing guaranteed to keep you very busy is running errands. Go to the gym, clean out the fridge, buy groceries, do the laundry, and iron those clothes under the pile of irons. At the end of the day you will feel a great sense of accomplishment.

have sex

Having sex on Valentine’s Day isn’t just for people in long-term relationships. Dr. Ortega suggests calling your intercourse buddies and scheduling a hookup.

“Do you have a friend with benefits you can count on? Instead of celebrating romantic love, celebrate your sexual nature with FWB,” says Ortega. “Throw away the notion of romantic love and celebrate sexual love for a while.”

If you don’t have FWB, Neves recommends having orgasms anyway through solo sex (also called masturbation). Please,” says Neves.

leave the country

Not forever. Take a break and clear some space from everything. If you can afford it, spend a nice weekend somewhere or take a road trip to visit friends you haven’t seen in a long time. About two weeks after this catastrophe happened, I decided to visit a really nice friend and book his EasyJet flight to Germany. Getting away from it all and gaining some perspective on the situation has been a world of good for me.

Whatever you do on February 14th, remember that many people in long-term relationships couldn’t care less about it.