When I was about 6 years old, when she was brushing my hair before school, I asked her. “Am I ugly?” she asked, looking at her and her self in her mirror in front of her.
She gasped in horror at the question and stopped brushing my hair. She said no (Cheers, Mom!) and asked me where this question came from. A boy in my class called me ugly on the playground.
That was the first time I remember feeling bad about myself. But it was just the beginning of a very long and very troubled relationship with me. was not the last person to call me ugly. He certainly wasn’t the last person to question my sense of self.
I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. If you are reading this, do you have similar thoughts about the first time you thought aloud or quietly whether you were “ugly” or “dumb” or “bad”? may be talking ‘
A few months after turning 31, I hit the lowest point of my self-esteem. But then something broke. There are a lot of unhelpful clichés on the internet on the topic of self-esteem. I wanted to find tangible methods that I could use in my daily life to boost my self-esteem.
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I wrote this article for myself and for anyone who has ever wondered what to do about persistent low self-esteem.
challenge your negative thoughts
Negative thoughts are very persuasive. I’ve believed many of the scariest things I’ve thought about myself. Daniel Fryer, a psychotherapist at Bristol Abbey Hospital, recommends challenging negative thoughts. “Every time you think or say something negative about yourself, remember what you did well or did well and discuss it,” says Fryer. You can replace criticism with self-compassion.”
Psychotherapist Owen O’Kane, a former NHS clinical director of mental health, says don’t believe everything you think. “People, situations, or situations are often prone to misunderstanding patterns,” O’Kane says. “If there is a tendency in your thought patterns to think critically, critically, or for the worst, it can lead you to an inaccurate perspective.” If you tend to repeat self-criticism, I recommend re-evaluating.
Practice unconditional self-acceptance
Our self-esteem is like evaluating ourselves based on our success, Fryer explains. “When you’re confident in your ‘things,’ something has to go right to boost your confidence, but when something goes wrong, your confidence plummets,” says Fryer.
“You are valuable because you are you and you are a human being on this planet.”
Rational Emotional Behavioral Therapy (REBT), a type of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) developed by Dr. Albert Ellis, promotes unconditional self-acceptance, according to Fryer. “By that, every human being on the planet is a valuable, error-prone human being who can succeed or fail,” he says.
If you need affirmations to repeat yourself on a difficult day, or every day, let this from the flyer read: “You are worth it because you are a human being on this planet. Be confident in this idea that is worth it and is good enough as it is.Remind yourself of this every day.”
record a compliment
Counselor Sophie Robinson Matthews, part of Counseling Directory(opens in new window) (a database of 15,000 professional therapists in the UK) recommends keeping a daily record of “every positive thing, compliment or praise said about you” or your work. It might feel a little weird, but why not try it?
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“If you get the same comment multiple times, put a tally next to it, but keep this log daily,” she says. Ask yourself: What are your initial feelings when you read this log? , ask yourself which comments are true, which may be true, and which are unbelievable.
keep an achievement diary
If writing a compliment list isn’t your thing, why not journal about your achievements? “Every day, write down what went well or what you accomplished that day,” suggests Fryer. increase. This can be anything you’re proud of, from completing work tasks, to managing your life, to making your own lunch the night before.
Fatmata Kamara, a specialist nursing adviser at British healthcare company Bupa, recommends keeping a diary to track the different emotions you’re going through, and eventually turning them back into something positive. . “You can also use a journal to write down some of the things you like,” she says.
don’t compare yourself to others
It’s really hard to avoid comparing yourself to others. Especially if you spend a lot of time on social media. If you’re worried about the impact social media has on your self-esteem, read my article on how people protect themselves from self-comparison.
Sofie Hagen — fat acceptance activist, happy fat — suggest unfollowing social media accounts that make you feel bad about yourself. I am offended by doing this to ,” Hagen wrote in Happy Fat. “Whether it’s a friend from school or a famous vlogger. This isn’t about making you petty or jealous. It just makes you more susceptible. And we all it is.”
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Fryer also advocates remembering that life is not a competition. “Everyone else on this planet is a worthy, error-prone human being, which means they each have their own successes and failures. increase.
treat yourself like you treat a friend
You may notice a noticeable difference between the way your friend speaks during a difficult time and your own inner voice during a difficult time. “It’s so easy to be harsh and critical of yourself by internally shouting ‘stupid’ or ‘stupid’ when things go wrong,” O’Kane says. “Would you say the same to someone you care about? Probably not.”
“How we treat ourselves has a huge impact on our mental health. Taking a kind and compassionate approach to yourself is a way of life in your world and the people around you. will change
in his book over the topJonathan Van Ness wrote beautifully about “learning to nurture yourself” and treating yourself with compassion.
“Learning to nurture yourself with calming, caring love, forgiving yourself, and learning from every decision you make to get where you are is the key to fulfillment,” says JVN. wrote. “Learning to be the cheerleader of your dream parent. It’s been in you all along. And no matter how depressed you are, you can always make a great recovery.”
set boundaries
Because of my low self-esteem, I sometimes want to please people. Kamala says people with low self-esteem may feel they have to say yes to others, even when they don’t want to.
“This can leave you feeling overburdened, resentful, and depressed. Learn to say no if something doesn’t make you happy,” she says. Being positive means taking care of yourself and others, and it helps us set clear boundaries.”
Dr. Sheetal Shirohi, a consultant psychiatrist at Priory Hospital Walking, says that if you can improve your self-esteem, so be it. But if you’re struggling, ask for help. “Counseling and therapy are great for self-improvement,” Shirohi says. “Others can help remove years of trauma and abuse that hurts self-esteem. Psychiatrists and psychologists can not only provide direction, but support during vulnerable and stressful times.” ”
I know I tend to be very unforgiving and unkind to myself. My inner voice speaks to me in ways I never dreamed of speaking to another human being.
If you could forgive me for one cliche, it would be this. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the kindness you would treat a friend in need.
